So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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