Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He? As in you personified your dick?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
