We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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