If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
