chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i think i have two assholes
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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