pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He passed out mid-signature
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
