I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
