Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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