Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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