Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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