I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
