She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Of course I have a pirate flag
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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