i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
