why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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