I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
