Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
