Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
