Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
