is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
