I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
