cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
