Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
