Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
