All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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