he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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