Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
