i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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