my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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