do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
