last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
