I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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