I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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