I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
