Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize