I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
