i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
True strength comes from lack of pants
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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