You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
