Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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