she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
