I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
