just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
