So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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