Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
