Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
