I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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