Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
