i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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