Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
