he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
