I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
