Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Couch. On fire.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
