why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
