i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
