I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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