Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
