She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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