i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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