An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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