upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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