But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
