also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
