found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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