THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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