She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
