How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
