He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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