we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
