I got chris browned last night
My underwear smells like fireworks.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
