tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize