Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
