fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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