I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
