why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
