After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
