it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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