Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
