ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
