i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
