like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
