I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Two words: nipple clamps
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