isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
