In the future we'll all be gay
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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