your parents love me but you hate me
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
