so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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