dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
